Book review and excerpt from When your marriage ends by Vivian Hodges.

Review

I received an ARC copy from the author for an honest review. I wish I had this book when I went through my divorce. It would have helped a great deal when I had to redefine myself.

When your marriage ends by Vivian Hodges is a well-defined book with chapters that cover every area of your life after a divorce. Not only is it to the point and interesting, but the application exercises help to get your head back into the present and work through the areas in a mature and dignified way. It will keep you grounded while your entire life is out of whack, messy and hard.

This is more a manual/journal than an actual book. With all the exercises to help, it would be a great tool to keep next to your bed. It is a good reference, and easy to follow when you feel stuck and need that extra push to get out of bed and face whatever the world, aka your ex, might throw at you. Those curveballs can be unexpected and messy and throw you out of balance quicker than you can say “coffee”.

I was lucky to have a friend who helped me to get up and get moving. This book will be your best friend during this time. If I had the finances, I would give this to every woman in need. Add a good supporting system around you, then you will make it. Just trust and believe that God is in control.

Chapters include; What to Expect in Yourself, The Five Stages of Divorce, The Root of All Feelings, Reframe Your Thoughts, Practical Exercise and Daily Emotional Quality Control. Find Your Reason, Self-Care, Moving On, How to Budget, What Is the Difference Between Freeloading and Genuine Need? When You Still Need to Talk, Toxic Exes, Should I Get Back With My Ex? Rebound Relationships, Put Memories in Their Place, Find Your Bliss, Set New Goals, and Relationship Warning Signs. These are just a few of the chapters that would help to get your balance back.

Finding yourself during the darkness is difficult, but overcomeable. Now, nine years later, I can say that my life is not perfect, but I am better off on my own. Don’t rush the process.

This book really captures the very heart of what you will experience and the message clear; You are not alone.

Here are a few quotes from the book.

“Big life events, like what you are going through now, offer the best way to rediscover and maybe even reinvent yourself.”

“The HolmesRahe Stress Scale has defined divorce as the second-highest stress you can experience (Gadoua, 2012). Only the loss by death of a loved one rates higher.”

“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” Susan David

“You can replace any set of negative thoughts with proactive and uplifting actions. The trick is to consistently countermand an unhelpful or self-destructive thought with a better one.”

“Get clear on what is worthy and valuable about you. List all your strengths, and focus on inner qualities more than outer or external merits. If you tie your value and worth to things that you do not have complete control over, you will have a shaky sense of self-worth that is easily knocked down.”

“Look through your vision for yourself and some of the goals you have set. Choose five of the most important goals.”

Buy Link: Amazon Add to Goodreads

Excerpt

Chapter 1: What to Expect

Per ardua ad astra. –Latin phrase meaning “through adversity to the stars.”

Let’s face it, divorce is not for sissies. Divorce does not proceed in any predictable way, although we can see some patterns based on the experiences of others. We should look into these patterns to prepare ourselves—knowing what to expect can help us be ready mentally, emotionally, and physically for what is to come. After all, our unknown fears prey on our imaginations and lead to our worst feelings of anxiety and worry. Knowing the probable pattern and having the tools to deal with what will come helps us understand and overcome our fears.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. –J. K. Rowling

In the end, this is not so much about what got you here but rather about what you are going to do now. This is a tough time, but I promise that it is not forever, and afterward, you will emerge stronger and better than ever.

What to Expect in Yourself

You are probably experiencing a range of emotions, and strangely enough, at times you may feel two contradictory feelings at the same time. Like, you can feel angry at the situation and yet happy that new possibilities are opening up. You can feel fearful and excited. You can feel betrayed but also compassionate toward the person you tried to make a life with. Having more than one feeling about a situation is perfectly normal. We are complex beings with a wide range of thoughts and feelings. So, we can have several feelings at the same time, and these feelings can also be mixed.

The Five Stages of Divorce

When faced with any big stress or traumatic life event, we naturally go through a range of reactions—first denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. You can cycle through these stages very quickly or so slowly that years can go by in each of them. But only by reaching a state of acceptance will you be able to deal effectively with your life.

Denial

When at first the dreaded D-word comes up, we likely start out with a sense of denial. “This can’t be happening.” “This is not what I wanted or planned for my life.” Facing reality, or rather not wanting to face it, is not a unique problem. It is at the heart of a lot of our troubles. Facing facts requires that you allow yourself to see them objectively. We try to avoid pain by pretending things aren’t really the way they are. What actually happens is that we just prolong our suffering.

We can end up stuck in an unhappy relationship for a very long time because of this. Then, when finally someone mentions divorce, we freeze even further for a while. This is a stress response. If we are very still, the danger might not see us. Fear and anxiety about an unknown future can hold us here. But we need to face our fears and shine a clean, pure light on them. This is the only way to see them for what they are and thereby make them smaller and less threatening. Big changes are stressful, and for the time that you stay in denial, you also dodge having to take the next step. But unfortunately, life will eventually overtake you, whether you choose to stay in this state or not.

Moving Past Denial

Like a Band-Aid, you need to rip off the blinkers and face what lies beneath. Staying in a state of denial will just keep you stuck and suffering unnecessarily. Whatever has happened has happened. You cannot change that. Now it is time to face the facts and to do that, I ask you to think about the following:

·         What do you really fear will happen next? Express these fears, write them down, or share them with a trusted ear.

·         What are the benefits to you of staying in denial?

·         What do you stand to lose if you stay in the denial state of mind?

 

Where David Threw Stones by Elyse Hoffman

 Black Coffee Book Tours April 11-14

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “If you enjoy reading WWII historical fiction and are looking for something a little different, this is the book for you.” – Michael Reit, author of “Beyond the Tracks.”

West Germany, 1968

When ten-year-old David Saidel's parents are murdered, he is sent to live with his grandfather in the anti-Semitic village of Brennenbach. Miserable and lonely, David finds solace in his kindly Grandpa Ernst, who has one strict rule: never go out after midnight.

When David breaks curfew to search for his missing dog, he discovers why Ernst is so serious about his curfew: Brennenbach is cursed. When midnight strikes, the town is thrown back to 1943, the height of Hitler's reign.

The Nazi ghosts that infest Brennenbach are just as dangerous as they were in life. They're hunting for David, thinking he is the last member of a family they've been ordered to destroy.

Through the help of a little girl named Maria Rahm, David sets out to end the Curse before it claims more victims.

Award-winning author Elyse Hoffman has crafted an expertly woven tale of World War II's horrors - perfect for readers of Marcus Zusak's "The Book Thief," or Michael Reit's "Beyond the Tracks."

See the book on Amazon here.

Readers love Where David Threw Stones:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “This book was part historical fiction, part mystery, and part fantasy. It reminded me a lot of “The Book Thief”, another book that’s hard to review without spoilers. I was mesmerized by both of them, and did not want to stop reading!” – – Goodreads Reviewer

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐“The author gives a voice to the atrocities of the past, to remind us in the present what our ancestors did or what was done to them, and most importantly gave a voice to Jewish people during the war while bringing forth the message of redemption, courage, forgiveness and peace. It was absolutely stunning.” – Read to Ramble

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “When I tell you this book left me with chills multiple times, I mean I was emotionally wrecked by this book. I loved every second of it, because it wasn't just a story... it meant something. Hoffman is a master storyteller and you find yourself drawn into the world that is created. The book is a really great example of finding redemption and forgiveness. GO READ THIS BOOK!!!”– Reviews by Taylor

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ “This book will captivate you, and pull you back through time. The characters are real, and you'll absolutely hate some of them. It also highlights that people, just like life, are not all black and white, and hate can pass from one generation to the next. An excellent book overall.”– Goodreads Reviewer

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐“This book will grab you and keep you page-turning to the very end. Even when you’ve finished this book it will stick with you. Your heart will break for the characters and their suffering. The author will paint vivid pictures that will have you feeling like you could go and visit these places. “Relive” the history buried in the lands by walking it. You’ll hold back tears for the loses experienced, and tears for the healing and repentance that must take place. For avid readers of historical fiction, this book is a must read.”–Goodreads Reviewer.

About the author

Elyse Hoffman is an award-winning author who strives to tell historical tales with new twists. She loves to meld WWII and Jewish history with fantasy, folklore, and the paranormal. She has written six works of Holocaust historical fiction: the five books of The Barracks of the Holocaust and The Book of Uriel.

• https://www.elysehoffman.com
• https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20851312.Elyse_Hoffman
• https://www.bookbub.com/authors/elyse-hoffman

My 5 Star Review

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The boy that never smiles. It would be an apt name for this book. But, Where David threw stones, depicts the story of ten-year-old David unusually which captures the imagination throughout the story. Though David vowed never to smile, his new friends sure tried everything they could to make him forget the promise.

After David’s parents' accidental death, David had no choice but to live with Herr Ernst, his grandfather on mother’s side. It tells the story of one Jewish boy who discovers a secret that kept WWII’s memories alive within its bosom hauntingly. And Jews away from the town. David soon realised what the secret was and the impact it would have on him as he experience up close the horrors of the war. Despite it all, David’s character flourished within this small town as he became acquainted with the townfolk in ways he didn’t think possible.

Even at this young age, David was not easily manipulated into doing things he believed to be wrong or against his upbringing. With a strict background, he wore his kippah with pride no matter the hateful glares, and ultimately ban to visit the shops. But once he stumbled onto the secret, his purpose for being there became clear. Unwilling friends became comrades, family became strangers, and the story started a life of its own.

“This spellbinding Historical WW2 Fantasy Novel is a story of a ten-year-old boy's loss, redemption, and ultimate courage. Award-winning author Elyse Hoffman has crafted an expertly woven tale of World War II's horrors. This thrilling story is perfect for readers of Marcus Zusak's "The Book Thief," John Boyne's "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas," or Michael Reit's "Beyond the Tracks."”

The vivid story telling captures the imagination as it sends you back into a time where no Jew was safe. The propaganda against Jews is an intense hate that moored within the very fabric of the people and the lies they believed almost crippling you. But David’s ways carried a wait that touched even the hardest of hearts and views changed as the secret become real.

Going back in time each night, layered the story with a unique ploy, remarkable characters and dramatic plotlines that felt so real that my heart cramped in pain. Of which Maria Rahm’s young character was my favourite. The children within this book had to grow up fast, as they try to find the truth for themselves and how they were connected to David. No grownup will help or tell them about the curse, and David and his little friend had to unravel every lie spread by Hitler and his cronies. A truth that surpassed the curse and secret and left me speechless.

This is a book I can recommend to every WWII reader. It adds another layer to what we already know about the war and how it affected the nation.

Excerpt

"Ah...you don’t have any allergies, Enkel?" Ernst queried. "Herr Ahles at the pet shop said little Mozart was hypo-something-or-other. Your mama used to get a rash when she got licked by dogs; I dunno if you got the same...issue." "No, sir," David said. Even if he was allergic, he would have lied and said no. He wouldn’t have Mozart sent back to the pet shop for his sake. "Good! Little fellow seems to like you. Ah, why don’t you come in, both of you? Ma'am, I guess we have some paperwork and such?" "A bit. A few questions." "Right. Come on in. Mozart, calm down, boy! Enkel, will you hold him? He tends to escape, and whenever he does, he's gone for days. Careful when you open the door." David gripped the dog's collar and wrestled him inside. The interior of the manor was something to behold; there was a cold sort of majesty to it all. The grand staircase, fashioned of onyx stone, led up to the second story, which offered two stairways to the third story. Three chandeliers twinkled above his head, and David’s eyes glistened with wonder when he realized the ceiling was painted violet with a sea of yellow stars and a crescent moon making it appear like a twilight sky. A fireplace crackled nearby, built of white marble with two carved lions on both sides and a phoenix stretching its pearl-colored wings above the mantle. A few photo frames hung above the tips of the phoenix’s wings, but they were empty and slightly crooked, as though someone had just recently taken them down and sloppily removed their contents. The furnishings were not nearly as beautiful as the structure itself. The red and blue rug that featured an ornate, mosaic-like design was frayed and stained with mud and pawprints. The furniture must have once been quite nice, but Ernst either hadn’t wanted to replace it or couldn’t afford to do so. The couch had been stitched up several times, the leather cozy chair was peeling, and when David peeked into the dining room, he discovered that the chairs were stacked up on the table, covered in cobwebs. It must have been years since Ernst had invited someone over for dinner.

#2

Isak Saidel’s unfinished story. He had never gotten to his time in Auschwitz. And now he never would. David carefully carried the manuscript to his desk, setting it on the smooth, polished surface and thumbing to the last page. I had, at this point, forgotten what my feet felt like, and if I had suddenly found myself snuggled by a fireplace, I likely wouldn’t have even remembered how to wiggle my toes. When I walked with Mama to stand in line, clutching my ration card in my once-plump fingers, the snow would seep into my one-size-too-big-boots and soak my feet. Mama did her best to carry me on days when the snow was above my ankles, but she was... And that was where it ended. David remembered running up to Isak and tugging on his arm as he click-clacked away at his work, begging him to finish it later. It’s time to go, Papa! Come on, Papa! David had been eager, desperate really, to get to the synagogue for the final night of Hanukkah. The Rabbi had chosen him, him, little unpopular David Saidel had been chosen to light the menorah for the Eighth Night. He had been so proud. Ruth and Isak had been so proud. David looked down at a tiny burn mark on his right hand. To an outsider it would be indistinguishable from any of the other light injuries he had sustained in the “accident,” but it stuck out to him. He had been clumsy, clumsy and arrogant. He, the quiet one, the mouse boy, had been chosen for the great honor and he had felt the envious eyes of his fellows upon him. He had basked in the glory for too long and the hot wax of the candle had dripped onto his hand. Then he’d cried like a baby. Then he’d asked his parents if they could go home early because he was not only in pain but horribly embarrassed. And Ruth had said yes. Isak had said something cheerful about getting to finish that paragraph. And now they were dead. Murdered, according to the police and the media and everyone else. A small cluster of Hitler-loyalists, neo-Nazis and Nazi holdouts, had decided to cut the breaks of every car in the synagogue parking lot that night. He and his parents had left first, and the Saidels were the only casualty.

The Rabbi had told him that he and his parents had saved the whole congregation. Perhaps they had. Little comfort that was from the grave. Or in Isak’s case, from the hospital. Ruth had died right away, but Isak had spent a few horrific nights succumbing to his burns. He had barely been able to choke out a final farewell to David, a final assurance. Isak’s last words rang in his ears, laced with pain. “Not your fault.” But it was. The media had been in fits. The student protestors too. Two Jews murdered two decades after the Holocaust had ended in an incident that could have killed dozens. How many more Nazis were waiting to strike? Would the Jews ever be safe in Germany? In a way, David was glad to be so far away from it all. Gerta had promised to keep him out of the papers as much as she could, but moving out here offered more protection from them and their probing questions and fake smiles than she could have hoped. None of them would follow him to Brennenbach.

Nobody in this little town knew him. Or his family. Or what had happened. Or what he had done. They didn't even have to know he was a Jew. He touched the rim of the hat his grandfather had given him. There was a comfort to that. A comfort to blending in, to being just another German. A comfort he didn't deserve. He plucked the hat from his head and flung it under the bed with the yellow box. No. Everyone in town would know he was a Jew. They would know, and he wouldn’t stop them from giving him their worst. From giving him everything he should have gotten on that eighth night of Hanukkah.