Excerpts
#1
Sometimes a first date during the day is the way to go. Suggest
a walk on the beach, in the park, in the woods, etc. Stop somewhere for a slice
of pizza or a hot dog. If it’s a warm day, suggest a stop for a cold beer.
She’ll see you as an outdoorsy, casual, healthy guy, and you probably can’t
think of a cheaper date. Besides you get some needed exercise, and the scenery
gives you something to talk about rather than your golf scores or problems at
work. Remember the more you have to resort to talking about yourself, the
greater the chance of boring her to death. If she does ask you about yourself,
keep it short. You want to sound open and honest and still seem mysterious.
Speaking of beer, which is a very good subject to speak of, the majority of
women prefer wine, if so take her to a nice wine bar. While you sip, casually
let it slip that while wine is fine, you’re actually a beer guy. If she’s a
beer gal, she might say, “Let’s get out of here and head for a pub.” Then you
know you very likely have a keeper.
#2
Dating or Relationship? Let’s say you’ve gotten to the third
date, and that the evening ends with sex is a given. Now you have a semantic
issue: are you dating or in a relationship. I’ll give you my thoughts, but on
any delicate semantic issue, it’s always best to consult a woman. They are
wired for subtle differences. To me “dating” means no commitment. You see each
other on Friday night but not on Saturday, and neither of you ask what you do
on Saturday. If you are dating several women and she is dating several men,
perhaps she is not looking for that special someone, and you have to reaffirm
that you are looking for something serious.
#3
Dating is pretty straight forward, but relationships can
sneak up on you, kind of like that beer gut that surprises you when you can’t
button up your pants. Sometimes you can wake up one day and realize that you
are now in an exclusive relationship. You know that because you spend almost
all date nights with her, you haven’t slept with another woman in weeks, and
she is always available for a date. At that point you need to ask yourself if
you just fell into this because you are too lazy to make a real decision, which
is normal for our gender, or if you have consciously decided you want to be
with this woman to the exclusion of that hottie at the gym who you probably
couldn’t get anyway, the one who even smells great after a hour of aerobics.
#4
Introducing Her to your People Here is where many of us make
Freudian Slips. Your introduction should say that you admire, respect and know
her. If you just got married, you can say, “This is my new bride” rather than
“This is my first wife.” “This is my current girlfriend” needs to be shortened
to “This is my girlfriend.” You don’t say, “She works at some bank.” Rather,
say, “She is a loan officer at Podunk National Bank on Main Street.” See the
difference? “She collects ceramic stuff” should sound more like “She collects
Precious Moments figurines.” If she is a student, you might say “She is
studying astrophysics at a major university.” That sounds way better than
saying “She’s taking up space at a college.” “We met through a mutual friend”
sounds better than “We were set up on a blind date.”
#5
If you do run into a former girlfriend, and you can’t get
out of an introduction, it’s best to keep it to just names. “Susan, this is
Kathy; Kathy, Susan.” You let the female mind sort out the relationships. You
get on dangerously thin ice when you start to explain, as men tend to keep
talking until their foot gets lodged securely in their mouth. For example:
Susan, this is my current girlfriend, Kathy. We are in a relationship that may
become something permanent if I don’t screw it up like I did with you. Kathy,
Susan is a former girlfriend. She wanted a commitment, but I was cheating on
her with you, so she got pissed off and dumped me.” Now you have two
ex-girlfriends, who will probably become friends due to having a mutual
interest: making your life miserable.
#6
“I just can’t have a conversation with you when you are this
angry.” Lower your head and slowly walk away. Once out of her sight, run to the
closest pub, returning about fifteen minutes past her usual bedtime. If you
crawl into bed and she’s still angry, I can’t help you, but my girlfriend has
the following advice on what to say, something she says would work with her.
“I’ve been thinking about our fight all night. I was so wrong. I guess I just
get nervous when I realize I screwed up again. I feel like I have to win the
fight because if I don’t, the fact that I’m an idiot will be obvious, and
you’ll stop loving me and send me packing, and I couldn’t live without you.”
She claims that will turn an argument into sex and kisses, but only if you use
it rarely. If it works with her, it would probably work with your woman, so
memorize it and learn to say it with a straight face.
Review
Clueless Guy's Guide to Love and Beyond is a practical self-help guide for every man that is looking for a significant other. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship or to score with the females, this is a valuable book to keep close.
You will laugh, you will smile, you will find humor in the
everyday struggle that most have through this humoristic narrative.
His practical guidance will lead you through the dating potholes
as he touches on gifts, the way you dress, how to keep a conversation going, and
where to go on the first date. He touched even the dreaded argument that would cross your path eventually, with practiced ease. How she interprets your “excuses”,
reasons not to go out, etc. He touched even on the basics of food to guide you
through the complexities. Jokes are a serious matter too if you joke about her family—hit the
road Jack—is most properly the song you will hear, so to avoid it, read the
book.
Thinking about sex: Think again says Mr Fischer, and I
quote: “The woman comes first. This is so important I must repeat it: The woman
comes first. You do whatever is necessary to give her an orgasm. Then and only
then you can have yours. The good part of this is if she has a good orgasm,
she’ll be very anxious to see that you have one too. If you fail to give her
that orgasm, say twice in a row… Well, go back to the section called “First
Date,” because you’ll be back looking for a girlfriend.”
He touches the subject of the inner working of a woman, her
thoughts—if that is possible—the dos and don’ts of it all to land that
perfect gal. Any man that can touch on that is brave, very brave. And the
author does it wonderfully in his typical humoristic way.
A real how-to book on every topic you might find trouble which I can recommend.
